


Cock and Bull

by TriDogMom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: DFW 2020 Challenge, F/M, Porn Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:42:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22811836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriDogMom/pseuds/TriDogMom
Summary: Ginny discovers the internet and interracial porn. When Luna mistakes what she means when she says she’s looking for "lots of black cock and a huge bull"  Auror Malfoy is dispatched to their residence and sees his girlfriend Hermione in a new light.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 67
Kudos: 269





	Cock and Bull

**Author's Note:**

> For my hubby who planted the plunny in my head
> 
> Many thanks to **[PotionChemist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotionChemist/pseuds/PotionChemist)** for the beta work... and for putting up with my silliness.

“I am telling you, Luna,” Ginny Weasley said, brandishing her glass of wine in emphasis. “The internet is the greatest invention of all time. They have this netsite—”

“Website,” Hermione Granger corrected.

She was amused watching Ginny explain the benefits of the internet to Luna Lovegood. If there was anyone in the world that couldn’t be less interested, it would be Luna. While Luna loved learning, Hermione knew she preferred to be out in the field, not at a desk. She loved being out so much, this was the first time the three girls had seen each other in a year. Luna had been out searching for magical creatures with her boyfriend, and fellow magizoologist, Rolf Scamander.

“That’s what I said, website.” Ginny rolled her eyes at Hermione. “It’s amazing. You can type anything into it and it will tell you everything you want to know.”

“But wouldn’t you rather go out into the world and learn?” Luna asked. “A spider’s web can’t teach you what a Chimera feels like.”

“I don’t care what a Chimera feels like. It would probably be the last thing I felt before the thing killed me.” Ginny shook her head.

“Chimeras are just misunderstood. They just want to spread warmth. And they teach us that different things can live together in harmony.”

Hermione stared at Luna. She couldn’t be fucking serious. That statement sounded like one of the mental things Hagrid would always say. 

Hermione and Ginny had moved in together after they had finished Hogwarts a couple of years ago. While they both had hoped they would one day be sisters-in-law when they married Ron and Harry, both relationships had fizzled out within months of the end of the war. As they helped each other get over their breakups, the girls had grown closer. By Christmas of that year, they were as close as sisters and started making plans to live together. 

Sick of the hand cramps that came with writing long reports with a quill, Hermione had purchased a laptop and found a way to magically get the internet in their flat. After showing Ginny how to use the computer, she awoke the next day to find her friend in the same spot, engrossed in the technology. She finally convinced Ginny to log off, and they headed to the store so Ginny could buy her own. Now, a year later, if Ginny wasn’t busy with Quidditch or going out, she was on her laptop. 

“I was looking on there last night,” Ginny said, “and I found that there are whole sites dedicated to porn.”

“Ginny!” Hermione gasped. “Those sites will give you a virus.”

“A virus?” Ginny looked at her before laughing. “It’s not like I am actually having sex with my laptop, Hermione. My own hand isn’t going to infect me.”

“No, a virus on your… Nevermind.” It wasn’t worth it to try to explain computer viruses to Ginny; she would just have to learn the hard way. “Please, continue.”

“As I was saying,” she shot Hermione a look. “They have sites dedicated to all kinds of porn. Anything you can imagine.”

“They have whole magazines on there?” Luna asked.

“Better than just pictures, Luna. They have whole films. I found the best one last night. Hold on, I’ll go get my laptop and show you.”

“I love looking at the women in magazines, don’t you?” Luna asked Hermione. 

“I have never seen one,” Hermione confessed. “I prefer romance novels to pictures.”

It wasn’t that she opposed to porn. As long as everyone involved was of age and consenting, she couldn’t care less if they wanted to pose naked or have sex on camera for money. It was just that her mind and body were more stimulated by words than they were by pictures. She didn’t think watching two people have sex would light the flame under her cauldron like the written word could. 

Ginny returned and she set the laptop on the coffee table, then plugged it into the television so they could all see it before pressing play on the film she had pulled up. Hermione did a double take at the name.  _ Black Bull Fucks My Wife In Front Of Me. _

“Ginny,” Hermione said, not hiding the shock in her voice. “What in the name of Merlin have you been watching?”

“Don’t look so shocked, Hermione. Everyone has different tastes. You’re dating Malfoy, so you have no room to talk.”

“We’ve been on a handful of dates, Ginny. And he has grown into a very nice gentleman, thank you very much.”

Hermione chose to leave out the part where they had slept together after the last date. Normally she would tell Ginny everything, but what she had with Draco felt different and she wasn’t ready to share it yet. 

“Is that even safe?” Luna asked.

“Which one?” Hermione clarified. “Dating Draco or what Ginny is watching?

“I think you and Draco are well-suited to each other,” she said. “I meant the film. I think it would hurt.”

“I don’t think it would,” Ginny answered. “I would love to try it. Makes me wish I would have gone all the way with Dean Thomas.”

“Even with someone watching?” Hermione asked. 

She wasn’t judging Ginny. If she wanted to have sex while someone else watched, that was her prerogative. It was just, well, she and Ginny talked about everything sex related and this had never come up. She wasn’t surprised to see that the male lead was black. They had each gone home with different men over the years and Ginny had a type. 

“I never thought about it until I saw this,” Ginny said as she pressed play. “Now I think it could be fun. I’d try it at least once.”

“Rolf and I like to make love in the open, with nature and the animals surrounding us,” Luna said as the black man and the ‘wife’ started kissing. 

They watched as, after a few minutes, the ‘husband’ walked into the room and caught the other two snogging. Instead of yelling or trying to kill the other man as Hermione would expect, he stared before he started rubbing the bulge in his trousers. The couple broke apart at his groan and told the ‘husband’ to sit in a chair in the corner and watch. 

The couple started taking off their clothes and Hermione couldn’t help but laugh. She could see how this situation  _ could _ be sexy in real life, but she couldn’t get over how fake this was. The bull had hardly touched her, yet the wife was moaning like… well, like she imagined a porn star would moan. Hermione was suddenly glad that she had applied permanent sound dampening spells on their walls. She didn’t need her neighbors hearing this.

“I would love to have a bull or be surrounded by black cocks,” Ginny said, lust in her voice. “The biggest bull in the world.”

“I can help you with that,” Luna said. 

Hermione and Ginny both tore their eyes from the screen to look at Luna. She knew Luna ran in different circles than they did, but where would she get a bunch of men for Ginny? Were their social circles  _ that  _ different?

“Really? When?”

“Right now if you want.”

“What do you think, Hermione?” Ginny asked.

“If it’s something you want to try,” Hermione said, “I say go for it.”

“Okay, Luna. Set it up for me.”

Hermione’s eyes had switched back to the telly, but the increase of noise in their flat pulled her eyes from the screen. Luna was still waving her wand and dozens of black roosters were popping into existence. 

“There you go, Ginny,” Luna called over the noise. “You’re surrounded by black cocks. Now for your bull.”

“Luna, no!” Hermione and Ginny yelled in unison.

Before they could stop her, she said a spell they couldn’t hear and a Minotaur appeared in their living room. They stared in shock at the creature as it reared its head back and roared.

* * *

_ Meanwhile in London… _

Draco was working the evening shift at the Ministry of Magic as an Auror. Standing in front of a magical map of the United Kingdom, he waited for a red light to appear, signalling Auror presence was needed. It was a slow night, and he was bored.

The map was a complex invention that not only lit up and showed a listing of the reason they were needed, but would also display a picture of the area, giving the Aurors something to focus on when they Apparated. 

As if he had forced the map to respond, a red light appeared not far from the center of London. 

**_Uncontained Creature_ **

**_Creature Type: Beast_ **

**_Species: Minotaur_ **

**_Classification: XXXXX_ **

_ A fucking Minotaur? But how did it get out of Greece? And how in the fuck are we supposed to contain it? They are practically unkillable.  _

Draco held his wand steady, ready to Disapparate when the picture appeared. As soon as he landed, he would relay the message to all available Aurors. It would take a large group to even subdue the beast. His heart dropped when the picture showed the flat block Hermione lived in. All rational thought left his mind as he concentrated on her living room and hoped she had adjusted the wards to let him enter directly.

He landed in the middle of chaos. There were roosters everywhere, their calls filling the air. Hermione and Ginny were standing on the sofa, screaming. Draco’s eyes darted around the room, trying to take everything in. He stopped when he saw a video of people having sex on the veletision screen, or whatever Hermione had called it.  _ What in the fuck was going on? _

A loud roar pulled his attention away from the screen and the smell of unwashed body rolled over him. There, ten feet to his left was a Minotaur with a blonde girl walking towards it, hands raised in the sign of surrender. Raising his wand, Draco sent three stunners in quick succession, but they bounded off the thick skin of the monster. 

His mind was blank on what to do. He knew he was supposed to do something as soon as he landed, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what. 

“Stop yelling!” the blonde screamed. “You’re scaring him.”

“We’re scaring him?” Draco yelled back. “It’s a motherfucking  _ Minotaur _ ! They don’t get scared! Now move away from it. I’m going to try to kill it.”

“No!” she yelled as he raised his wand. 

As the killing curse was on the tip of his tongue, the blonde waved her wand and the Minotaur and roosters all disappeared. The only sound in the flat was the sound of flesh smacking together. 

_ “Take my thick cock, slut.” _

_ Slap, slap. _

_ “You like the way I fuck you?” _

_ Slap. _

_ “Fuck me harder!”  _

_ Slap, slap, slap. _

_ “Who owns this pussy, whore?” _

“What in the fuck is going on here?” Draco asked, his voice loud.

He watched as Ginny stepped off the sofa and pressed something on the coffee table, stopping the sex noises. 

“Ginny said she wanted the biggest bull around, and to be surrounded by black cocks,” the blonde, who he now realised was Luna Lovegood, explained. “I don’t think she liked it though.”

The room was silent for a moment before Hermione burst into laughter and jumped off the sofa to sit down. The Weaslette soon joined in as Draco and Luna stood there, staring at them. Tears were running down the girls faces as they continued to laugh.

Draco ran his hand over his face. 

“Can someone please explain what is happening?”

“I told you,” Luna said. “Ginny wants a bull and lots of black cocks.”

The laughter from the hyenas on the couch increased.

“What does Ginny’s sex life have to do with chickens?” Draco was beyond confused. 

“Wrong,”  _ hiccup _ , “kind of,”  _ hiccup _ , “cock,”  _ hiccup _ , “Luna,” Ginny said as she continued to laugh. 

“Oh, you meant _penises_?” Luna asked to increased laughter. “I thought you wanted roosters, not black penises. That makes more sense.”

  
  


* * *

It took almost ten minutes for Hermione and Ginny to stop laughing. Draco still had no idea what was going on — he couldn’t figure out where the Minotaur had come from or how Luna was able to vanish it. 

After Ginny and Luna said they were going to grab takeout, something he knew was an excuse for him to be alone with Hermione, he sat on the sofa. Hermione explained what had happened. 

Draco could see the humor in it, but he was also shocked that Hermione, the girl who always seemed so prim and proper, had been watching porn. He thought only men looked at porn. 

“So, do you watch porn often?” he asked.

“This was the first time,” she said, then laughed. “I don’t think I will again, though. It was a little intense.”

Draco joined in her laughter as he thought back on the scene he had appeared in. 

“You do realise I have to file a report on this? And that, as my supervisor, Potter is going to see it.”

“Well, at least he’ll get a laugh out of it.” She shrugged as if there was nothing she could do about it. “Want to stay for dinner?”

“I have to get back to the office for a few hours,” he said, looking at his watch. “Can I take you out tomorrow? Or are you going to be busy with a flock of roosters again?”

“The only  _ rooster _ I’m interested in, Draco Malfoy, is the one between  _ your _ thighs.”

“I am a Malfoy, dear. We have large peacocks, not small little roosters.”

  
  
  
  



End file.
